11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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