hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
two words: eviction party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize