I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
