there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
