I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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