Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
