Princesses don't give blow jobs
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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