yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
