the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
