I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
