I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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