i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Still dying that you shit outside
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
