I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
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