That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
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I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
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He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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