Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
