I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
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That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
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I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize