I didn't shave. On purpose
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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