So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Randomize
