Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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