wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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