I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Randomize
