sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
