yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
