She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
