Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Randomize
