there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
