I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
well you can't waste a boner
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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