he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
