I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
