So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
