That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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