I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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