i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize