I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize