why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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