I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
