I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
