I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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