I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
