things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Randomize
