i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
