how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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