I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
