Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
