i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
