you would pick up someone in the library
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Randomize
