so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
