the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
