is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
