You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
did i walk over a car last night?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.