Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
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Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
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I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again