I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
