Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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