i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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