I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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