is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
