**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
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