Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
either way he was missing a nipple.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
