dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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