So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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