i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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