In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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