so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
