I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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