did you get engaged???
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
