nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Watching her eat just hurts me
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
