I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
