btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
